How to make yourself look a total tool

Posted on by Eric Klingenberg

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When I was on the bus heading to The Making of Harry Potter. (Yes this is yet another post were I mention it.) There was a woman with an older teenage son and girl. She was very loud, one of those people who think we all want to hear her conversation. I have to say she was one of the thickest people I had ever come across. At one point in the journey they were showing a film about Harry Potters and Warner Brothers in general. When it got to showing clips of other famous films made by the film company she turned to her son and in a very loud voice said ‘Oh look Warner Brothers have made other films besides Harry Potter!’ Her poor son could only mutter ‘Please stop talking!’

When I was planning this blog post and how scathing I was going to be about this poor woman I started to recall times I had made a complete fool of myself I’ll let you judge if mine were worse than hers.

When I was about 8 or 9 my best friend, who was a bit of a science geek, told me if I clapped my hand together too quickly or hard I risked splitting an atom and thus causing a nuclear explosion. Not only did I believe him for several years I was extremely careful not to clap too hard. I even developed a special clap were I cupped my hands as to not trap any atoms.

When I was about 13 or 14 I was queuing with a friend at the cinema and noticed that those with a UB40 card could get in at a reduced rate. I should explain back then a UB40 card was issued to you if you were currently unemployed. UB40 is also the name of a popular reggae band at the time. I turned to my friend and said ‘Oh look the manger is a fan of UB40 I bet they play the music while we wait for the film.’ I will let you guess my friends response.

My third example was again in my teens we were in our tutor room (home room to Americans) listening to the top 40 taped of the radio the previous night. Tapal china in your hands came on. I rather foolishly piped up ‘I don’t get this song, how can you hold a country in your hands?’

Well there it is, compared to me this woman on the Harry Potter bus was an intellectual giant. I shall endeavour be less judgemental and scathing of what other people say in the future.

 

27 thoughts on “How to make yourself look a total tool”

  2. I’ve had my fair share of space cadet moments. I will say I am very impressed that you were responsible enough at 8 or 9 to consciously take steps, at personal expense, to prevent nuclear fallout. Not all kids would do that.

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  4. I have to agree the atom one cracked me up !!.

    We all have been in that boat , many time 🙂

    When I was much younger, there were these two friends from South India. They used to bring curd and rice for lunch sometimes. The texture and taste of that curd was very different from the buttery thick yogurt that we get in US. When asked they told me it is because someone they know had got the original culture for their curd form India, so the lineage of the lactobacillus is The Original from the tropics and that makes all the difference. It stuck with me. Years later when my in laws were coming back from India and wanted to know if I wanted anything from there, I was ecstatic , “All I ever wanted from India is fresh curd with fresh bacteria. Please get me at least 4 oz”. My in laws were baffled and countered that first of all the curd will not be fresh after a long 20 hour journey, secondly the customs wont let us and thirdly, where in the world do you get these bizzare ideas !!!

    You can imagine my state then.

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  7. Your not the only one to have made a few of those mistakes in their younger days, at least you can admit it, some of mine have been doozys, and I still feel like a bloody nincompoop when I remember them, thankfully time and wisdom has taught me to think before sprouting off.
    Cheers.

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  9. I am a blind guide dog owner. I well remember a rather drunk man asking me whether my dog told me when my bus arrived. On his friI am a blind guide dog owner. I well remember a rather drunk man asking me whether my dog told me when my bus arrived. On his friend telling him not to be so silly, he responded “maybe he can tell by smell which bus it is”! Kevin end telling him not to be so silly, he responded “maybe he can tell by smell which bus it is”! Kevin

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      2. I am using Job Access With Speech (JAWS), which converts text into speech and braille allowing me to use a Windows computer with a standard keyboard. I was taught how to touch type on an old-fashioned typewriter at a school for visually impaired children, a skill which has stood me in good stead, apart that is from the odd howler as exemplified by my earlier comment! Thanks for following my blog. All the best. Kevin

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  10. Oh, you are not going to believe it, blimey.. That was the idea I had for my next blog post.. but being the invalid that I am, I am unable to draw the pics or even manipulate images easily now.. stupid hands won’t cooperate. But, it has been festering in my mind for the last one week.. thank you for reminding me of it 😦 WIll post it soon enough 🙂
    Wonderful post.. and yes…. met too many of those “loud talkers” in my life.. 🙂

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I'm a special needs teacher living in Devon England. I'm currently writing my first fantasy novel. When not writing I enjoy chess, reading, sailing and computer games. I'm married with 2 step sons and one grown up foster son.