A bit of chapter 10 that is all wrong!

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Here is another snippet from my book. Tybalt, who is having to use the name Herbert, is in a magical theory class taught by Alan. I have already decided this character doesn’t work he is too nasty to be believable. Instead I’m going to rewrite him as a more sympathetic character who does something horrible. I’m not going to know if this will work until I’ve done it. I’m not going to do anymore re-writes until I finish the 1st draft. So here is Alan enjoy him while he lasts. Please bear in mind it’s the first draft so lots of mistakes.

 

Tybalt was bored but that was a dangerous thing to do in evil Alan’s lessons, all of the class had felt his wrath for minor infringements and it wasn’t a pleasant experience, something Tybalt had no intention of repeating. He put, what he hoped, was an interested expression on his face.

‘Some wizards use staffs or other objects to help focus their power, these specially crafted items do not increase the power of any spell but can help the wizard with its casting. These objects are often favoured by less able wizards who have trouble keeping focus. As we discussed last week it is possible to store power in a high quality gem for use at a later time, the Arch Mages ring is such an item. However enchanting an object is extremely dangerous and can often result in the death of a careless magic user. It has been known for wizards to combine a staff with gems; this can be a useful tool in a battle when large amounts of power are required. Some have even experimented with smaller objects such as wands but these have proved unsuccessful. Herbert tell me why this is?’

Tybalt sat up with a start at the mention of his name, he heart started racing, he hadn’t got a clue, he quickly wracked his brain for an answer, he knew if he didn’t come up the correct one soon Alan would more than likely beat him.

There was a loud knock on the door and Norman walked in. ‘Lord Lewis would like to see Herbert in his study.’

Wow talk about good timing, Tybalt felt a huge wave of relief. He stood up, Alan gave him a sour look.

‘I will expect an answer when you return!’ He then turned back to his class

He will have to remember to ask Lewis the answer to the question. Tybalt left as quickly as he could and made his way to Lewis’s study. He wondered why he wanted him; it could be his Phoenix had finally faded. Each week Lewis had shown the phoenix to the class, none of the other birds had lasted longer than a few days, it was starting to get embarrassing. He reached Lord Lewis’s door knocked and walked in.

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8 thoughts on “A bit of chapter 10 that is all wrong!

  1. Without any evidence of the evilness of Tybalt’s character, I can’t say whether rewrites are necessary. Coming from the outside of nowhere with zero previous exposure to your work, I’d say save the data somewhere else. You never know when you will need an unmitigated evildoer for somewhere else. Cut-n-paste is a writer’s best friend.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Personally, I think the world needs more nebulous evil like Snape. He wasn’t a clear-cut villain and is probably one of my favorite characters–of course my love of all things “Alan Rickman” might have something to do with it.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Same he was made for the role. My attempt is woefully inadequate and it needs changing. Plus I didn’t want to write Harry Potter (not that I could) I wanted to write my own book. I forgot to say earlier thanks for taking the time to comment

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Tybalt’s character appears to be one of dubious sincerity, uncertainty of motivation seems to linger in his makeup, will be interesting to see how his adventure unfolds, I like your draft,albeit I don’t profess to be a critic, you have an interesting book in the making.

    Liked by 1 person

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