True wizard, the New Blurb

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I had a go at writing what I thought was a synopsis but turns out was the blurb for my book. I was told it wasn’t catchy enough and in the wrong tense. I’ve had another go at it. I don’t find them easy to write but here is my second attempt at it.

Tybalt is a wizard! This discovery saved him from a life on the streets that would most probably be cut short by the gallows.

However this is not the safest time to be a wizard. He is now in the centre of game of power to become the next Arch Wizard. A deadly game some play because they just want power others to correct past wrongs. All the players want to use Tybalt to help them win.

Will Tybalt survive the game? He isn’t interest in power or who becomes the next Arch Wizard, he just wants to find his missing mother.

Any honest feedback would be appreciated even if it is – rubbish try again!

 

Update – Chris the story reading ape has just kindly edited it for me now sounds much better;

Tybalt is a wizard! Thus saving him from a life on the streets that would most probably be cut short by the gallows.
However, this is not the safest time to be a wizard and he is now in the centre of a power game to become the next Arch Wizard.
A deadly game that some play because they want power, others to correct past wrongs; and all the players want Tybalt to help them win.
But Tybalt isn’t interest in power or who becomes the next Arch Wizard.
He just wants to find his missing mother.

 

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14 thoughts on “True wizard, the New Blurb

  1. Tybalt is a wizard! Thus saving him from a life on the streets that would most probably be cut short by the gallows.

    However, this is not the safest time to be a wizard and he is now in the centre of a power game to become the next Arch Wizard.

    A deadly game that some play because they want power, others to correct past wrongs; and all the players want Tybalt to help them win.

    But Tybalt isn’t interest in power or who becomes the next Arch Wizard.

    He just wants to find his missing mother.

    🐵

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Eric, Chris did a great job editing your blurb. I’d go a step further and omit all extra words like…most probably, however, now, just, all, but. Try reading it without those words. The shorter & tighter, the better. Add ed to interest. A question? Isn’t the wizard interested in using his wizardly power to find his missing mother, and not in the deadly game of being the people’s Arch Wizard? Chryssa

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Isn’t Tybalt a wizard? Why would he be hoping to find a wizard to find his mother. Not sure about Tybalt being manipulated. Wizards are strong and powerful, or so I thought! You’ll get other’s perception of what they read in your blurb. Just be sure it’s what you want to convey. Chryssa

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It is explained in the book. Tybalt is just 12 or 13 and naive. He is told the spell to find someone requires rare combination of magical skill. He has always relied on others to tell him what to do so latches on to the powerful adults who tell him they want to help him but are in fact using him. As the story progresses he discovers who he can trust or at least he thinks he does. Can’t say anymore spoilers

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Tybalt is a wizard buthe isn’t interest in power or who will become the next Arch Wizard. He just wants to find his missing mother.

    Being a wixard saved him from life on the streets that would probably have led him to the gallows. However, this is not a safest time to be a wizard. Tybalt finds himself in the centre of a power game. The winner will become the next Arch Wizard.
    It is a deadly game that some play because they want that power. Others want to correct past wrongs. And they all want Tybalt to help them win.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Tip 1: I think you should change the last paragrah (But Tybalt… … missing mother) to:
    But who will ask Tybalt what he want? Power? To become the next Arch wizard? Or his missing mother?

    Tip 2: change this line: ‘others to correct their past wrongs’ to ‘others to correct their past’
    Thats sufficient and the questions will make your readers wonder.
    I also write novels. Happy to see this. All the best for your novel. Have anice day.

    Liked by 1 person

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