My book blurb, again

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I have previously struggled to write a decent one, I did try before but it wasn’t very good so the other day I had another go at it as quite few people have been asking me what my still unfinished book is about. I didn’t look at the old one before writing this so hopefully it’s better.

His mother, is missing, his best friend hanged, things are not going well for Tybalt. Just when life is at its bleakest he discovers he is a wizard. All he wants is to use his power to find his mother, but this is not a good time to be a wizard, with all the orders fighting for power Tybalt could be a useful tool.

Will Tybalt survive the wizards conflict or be consumed to feed someone’s else’s ambition?

Any criticism will be gratefully received, even if it’s to say it’s rubbish.

In case anyone is wondering, the blot on the picture is supposed to be a fireball, didn’t really work.

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22 thoughts on “My book blurb, again

  1. I’m working on mine also. Fifty times I’ve rewritten it in the past year. I like how you begin it with the dilemmas he’s faced. Nice hook. It’s a lot harder than it sounds, isn’t it? I’m posting mine today. Stop by and give a look.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I’ve posted mine on the blog a half dozen times soliciting help from friends to fine tune it. In the end, I sent my finest version off to someone who writes and reads a lot but had never seen it. He had a keen eye for what need to be cut. I was telling too much of the story rather than enticing readers to read. It was hard for me to figure out how to entice without giving away the exciting bits that were basically spoilers.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. The beginning worked for me…I’d leave it hanging as below to be honest:

    ‘His mother, is missing, his best friend hanged, things are not going well for Tybalt. Just when life was at its bleakest he discovers he is a wizard. All he wants is to use his power to find his mother, but this is not a good time to be a wizard…’

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think you need to change the tense in the sentence “Just when life was at its bleakest…” to present tense. “”Just when life is at its bleakest…” for continuity’s sake. Both verbs in the same tense, and what not.

    Liked by 1 person

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