Where is God?


I worried quiet a lot about posting this. Please don’t take offence, this is not a criticism of anyone’s believes. I have great admiration for anyone who has faith in the divine. This isn’t supposed to be an argument to why god doesn’t exist just a story about my journey to atheism. In some ways I miss my faith, life was a lot easier when you can believe someone has a plan for you and everything will work out for the better.

I used to be a Christian. I was a genuine evangelical, I was born again, washed in the blood of the lamb, the whole nine yards. But then I lost my faith. It didn’t happen overnight it took a while.

Three things destroyed it, one of the biggest reasons was other Christians. I still have a lot for friends and family who are Christians and are lovely people so I’m going to careful how I say this. The easiest way to explain my problem with other Christians is Kim Davis, someone who uses the bible and her religion to forward her very unpleasant views. She is entitled to have any views she wants, however unpleasant, but by also calling myself a Christian I felt guilt by association. I didn’t want to be part of a group that preaches hate and bigotry. I’m using her as an example as she wasn’t around when I lost my faith.

I studied ancient history for my degree. I took my degree in my thirties. I’m not going to go into all the details but the Bible doesn’t stand up to proper academic scrutiny. Not that’s a problem if you are a Christian who sees it as a guide but I was one of the ‘every word and comma is the word of god’ brigade. That isn’t a flippant comment people used to quote that in my church all the time. The more discerning amongst you will have noticed that I haven’t given too many details I’ve done that deliberately I’m not trying to convince anyone just explain why I gave it up.

The final reason was probably the catalyst. I can’t go into details, apart from anything else they are very unpleasant. I knew someone whose life was totally ruined by actions of another at a very young age. He didn’t do anything to encourage it, he couldn’t defend himself, he was a victim. These actions destroyed his life, his situation was never going to get better despite all the help he was given. This to me either suggests there isn’t a god or if there was a god how could he allow this to happen. I know the counter argument but for me if he exists and allows this then I want no part of him or wish to be a supporter of him.

On a lighter note if I hadn’t given up god I would have never dated and married my wife. She is an unbeliever and would never had been allowed. I would also never had time to write – I would be too busy in prayer meetings!


28 thoughts on “Where is God?

  1. Eric, I don’t know what to say to you right now that would encourage your faith in God. I believe that it is a journey that you have to make alone and some day your belief shall return. I love the Lord and it hasn’t stopped me from writing or relating well with others. I think that sometimes, the problem lies with our own interpretations about how things should be in our human eye’s. Our ways are not the Lord’s ways and let us not forget that he has given us the freewill to choose to serve him or not to serve him; hence the mix of darkness and light, good and bad and people hurting each other. What I always try to ask myself is, what would Christ do, when I find myself in a difficult position. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for baring your thoughts. Be blessed and have a good weekend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your kind response. Some of my friends think I will find my faith again, personally I think its lost and will never come back. I’m pleased your faith helps you and I am slightly envious of it (oh dear that’s another sin!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lol! We all fall into this sin so often that it’s difficult to keep count. Never say never 😉 God is not finished with you yet my dear friend. Maybe when you are a very wizened old man long in the tooth, we never know these things. Have a good day 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Bravo!! That must have taken some different kind of courage to say it out aloud..
    I am an atheist, but like you I don’t mind it when other people follow religion, however little or however much. But thank you for sharing your thoughts on these very personal thoughts..

    Liked by 2 people

      1. That should be the easiest, actually 🙂 Let yourself go and write as you please… 🙂 It really should be easier.. but then I don’t know.. I suppose it is so..

        Liked by 1 person

  3. your writing piece of this is very similar to something I was watching the other day..umm.. more of what ur on abwt is towards the end of the video, but u wont understand it unless u watch the full video… it’s basically about an atheist who has gone around and asked many intelligent people a certain question, and ends up not getting a proper logical answer…and so he comes to this one guy where he asks him, and gets a very logical answer.. pls take 22min out of ur time to watch this…for reals..it will answer ur question..thank you.. much love..x

    video link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XEcocSZnk1g&list=PLXsVrc04tXNJbFV4Ty0d3CAiM-kAOEaA6

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve just watched and can see why the speaker is very popular his answers were very good. I have to say it didn’t answer my question the example I gave the victim didn’t make a choice to use the analogy of the speaker he didn’t get a chance to enter the exam hall let alone sit the test. The 2nd half of the question I liked a lot better and made more sense I particularly like the Bill Gates answer. The questioner could do with learn how to ask concise to the point questions! Thanks for sharing this with me it did not change my mind but it did make me think. I assume you are a believer and I hope it gives both both comfort and joy.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. It breaks my heart when the actions of others who claim to be ‘Christian’ cause others to loose their faith. I know you have listed other reason as to why you turned from your faith but you listed others as a contributing factor and that breaks my heart. It was why I fwas out of church for a very long time. I didn’t want to associate and fall into a group of people filled with hate rather than love (which is one of the greatest commands – love that is). For me I have found a place that follows the command to love.

    I’m sorry that you have lost your faith.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. My undergraduate degree is in History (emphasis on ancient and medieval). Between those classes and taking others like philosophy and logic, there are way too many theological inconsistencies. Let’s not even begin to mention the atrocities committed in the name of religion and continue to be committed.

    At the end of the day, when my father was questioning my life decisions (living with my girlfriend but not married) and attributed it to my lack of religion (he was raised Catholic) I asked him this one simple question: Why should I believe in a religion where your wife, my mom is going to burn in hell because she does not believe in Jesus and is not baptized (we are of Asian ethnicity, she is Buddhist)? But yet a mass murder, moments before executing can “repent” and be saved?

    He couldn’t answer my question nor has he ever bothered me about it again.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m with you, Eric, although I would call myself agnostic as I’m a proponent of the belief that anything and everything is possible. To claim there isn’t a life beyond our bodies, for example, is just as odd to me as claiming there is, since how can I possibly know either. So I’m open to whatever. In the meantime, while I’m here in this particular life, my goal is to love and respect others, to act with kindness, compassion and integrity, to share my time and care, to raise happy children, and to live by a host of other values that honor life in all it’s forms. I am perfectly capable of doing that without being religious. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Thanks for telling us about Kim Davis…
    I second your opinion when you state that you don’t want to be part of a group that preaches hate and bigotry… Woefully this applies to many religions, I guess…
    I´d define myself as a Free Thinker Catholic… You embrace the religion only if you can do it in a personal not hyper dogmatic way…
    All my best wishes. Aquileana

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Eric –

    Your example was obviously of something which wasn’t pleasant at all – “I knew someone whose life was totally ruined by actions of another at a very young age. He didn’t do anything to encourage it, he couldn’t defend himself, he was a victim. These actions destroyed his life, his situation was never going to get better despite all the help he was given. This to me either suggests there isn’t a god or if there was a god how could he allow this to happen.”

    But the why did the 2004 tsunami on boxing day happen? I don’t know.

    For me personally, I can’t believe there is nothing, what I believe is hard to say, I think there is lots of unknowing stuff while we are here. I think the Bible is a good guide book, but it cannot all be taken literally. We all have freewill and some people decisions can often seriously hurt other people.

    I respect your views.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks very much for sharing. You make some very valid points. I also respect your views.I would like to believe there is something but no longer can. These things are very personal and would never claim to know the truth.


  9. Eric, thanks for directing me to this post. Now I understand where you are coming from. Being on a spiritual path myself rather than “religious” I embrace and encourage a path of truth for every individual. Find your own path and follow your own truth. Ask, ask, ask, and dig, dig, dig! Great post…it takes courage to come out like that.

    Liked by 1 person

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